When "I Am Enough" Wasn't Enough: My First Tattoo

I didn’t get my first tattoo until this past summer, at the ripe old age of 34. I always wanted a tattoo, but I also knew that I wanted it to mean something (afterall, it would be on my body for the rest of my life).

I spent a lot of time thinking about it and even purchased a temporary 2 week tattoo sticker to get the feel of the location and words. I chose “I am enough”. It was on my wrist for 2 solid weeks. I saw it everyday. I chose those words because for the first 10 years of my marriage, I felt like I wasn’t enough. My husband’s pornography addiction left me feeling like I was and forever would come up short in every way. So the reminder felt like it would be a good one.

It wasn’t.

Instead, it reminded me of the many years I DIDN’T feel like enough. It brought sorrow rather than confidence.

So I went back to the drawing board.

Then, like a life raft in a storm, Pink's new album, "Trustfall," came to life. Pink has always been one of my favorite musicians, singing the anthem to every emotional rollercoaster I've been on (It’s strange to think that I have been listening to her music for more than two decades).

And here she was again, with a song called "Turbulence" that hit me like a freight train.

It talks about that sinking feeling, the one where your life flashes before your eyes and you swear you hear the crumple. The panic that feels like it'll swallow you whole, but Pink's voice cut through it all: "The panic is temporary, but I'll be permanent." It's just turbulence, she said, that scary bump in the air that feels like the end, but it's not. It's temporary, and we'll land.

Those words were a lifeline. Even in those years of my darkest moments, battling the thoughts I wish I never had to, Pink saw me. "If you're alive," she sang, "then it means that you're committed to survive." It wasn't about just "being enough" anymore, it was about weathering the storm.

So, yeah, "I am enough" might still be true, and my husband's struggles might not define me, but "turbulence" resonated deeper. It spoke to the storms we all face, the ones that threaten to tear us apart, but ultimately, we weather them. And that, my friends, is a truth worth tattooing on your soul.

You and I

Happy ending and a tragedy combined

But we both can't live without it and we tried

We should take our own advice

Mmm, don't give up

There's a mountain in the middle of the road

It'll take a little longer to get home

Baby, all we've got is time

You can't help when your stomach sinks, see your life happen in a flash (in a flash)

In your head it could be so real that you almost feel the crash (feel the crash)

The panic is temporary, but I'll be permanent (permanent)

So when it hits, don't forget as scary as it gets

It's just turbulence

Close your eyes (close your eyes)

Pretend you're driving on a bumpy road at night (bumpy road at night)

You can meet me in the corners of your mind (corners of your mind)

We can build a new cloud nine (cloud nine)

Aye, if you're alive (you're alive)

Then it means that you're committed to survive (to survive)

That's enough to drain the life from you sometimes (sometimes)

But I hold on tight (tight)

You can't help when your stomach sinks, see your life happen in a flash, (in a flash yeah)

In your head it could be so real that you almost feel the crash (feel the crash oh-oh)

The panic is temporary but I'll be permanent (permanent)

So when it hits, don't forget as scary as it gets

It's just turbulence

Hold my hand, hold your breath

And I'll find a place to land

Where you're safe, never break

Where the morning never ends

When you say that you can't

I will watch you dance through this turbulence

It's turbulence

Oh, you can't help when your stomach sinks, see your life happen in a flash

In your head it could be so real (it could be so real) that you almost feel the crash

The panic is temporary, but I'll be permanent

So when it hits, don't forget as scary as it gets

It's just turbulence

It's turbulence

It's just turbulence