Why Affirmations Don't Work: A Trauma-Informed Approach to Lasting Change

I used to stand in front of the mirror, with sticky notes of affirmations lining each side, and repeat them over and over to myself. I would look myself in the eye and recite them, just hoping I would start to believe them.

I didn't.

I walked into my therapist's office and told him I felt like I was just brainwashing myself. I literally felt like I was lying to myself (and I was already being lied to enough by my husband) and just hoping I would be convinced that these lies were true. My body was not accepting them.

After 10 years of betrayal trauma, I felt deep in my body that I was broken—that I would never be enough. So I jumped on the affirmations bandwagon trying to convince myself that I wasn't broken, that I was enough, beautiful, and confident.

What I didn't understand at the time was that affirmations often struggle to create lasting change when the nervous system doesn't feel safe enough to receive them. While affirmations can be powerful tools for building self-esteem and changing beliefs, many trauma survivors discover that repeating positive statements isn't enough when the body is still carrying the weight of fear, shame, or betrayal. This is where a trauma-informed, nervous system-based approach can make all the difference.

The science behind rewiring the brain

There is a constant communication happening between the mind and body through the vagus nerve, the largest nerve in the body. It begins at the brainstem and extends throughout the body, carrying information in both directions.

Within this system are afferent neurons, which send information from the body to the brain, and efferent neurons, which send information from the brain to the body.

Research suggests that approximately 80% of this communication travels from the body to the brain, while only 20% travels from the brain to the body.

What does this mean?

The body has a far greater influence over the mind than many people realize.

While there is certainly value in using affirmations to reshape beliefs, it can be incredibly difficult to believe a thought that your nervous system rejects. This is one reason why a bottom-up approach to healing can be so powerful. Rather than trying to think your way into feeling better, you help the body experience enough safety for new beliefs to take root.

This is also why nervous system healing and somatic work can be such powerful tools for trauma recovery.

A Simple Tip

Allow your body to be part of the process.

As you choose affirmations, notice how your body responds. Does the statement feel supportive? Neutral? Or does it create tension and resistance?

Your body's response matters.

When you combine the 20% coming from the mind with the 80% coming from the body, you gain access to the full mind-body system. The mind and body were never meant to work separately. Understanding their relationship allows you to use affirmations in a way that feels more authentic and effective.

So how do we do that?

How to Make Affirmations More Effective

Rather than using affirmations that sound like you've already arrived at the destination, consider using a process-based approach.

Process-based affirmations allow room for growth and self-compassion. They acknowledge where you are while gently supporting where you're going.

Instead of saying:

I am healed.

Try:

I am healing.

Instead of saying:

I have the strength to handle anything that happens.

Try:

I am building the strength to handle whatever happens.

Or:

I am learning the skills to thrive through difficult experiences.

These types of affirmations often feel more believable because they honor your current reality. Rather than forcing your nervous system to accept something that feels untrue, they create a bridge between your old belief and the new belief you're working toward.

You can think of them as bridge affirmations.

Their purpose isn't to convince you overnight. Their purpose is to help you move from where you are to where you want to be.

Healing Happens When the Mind and Body Work Together

There is tremendous wisdom in the body.

As you deepen your connection to the mind-body relationship, you may discover that healing becomes less about forcing positive thoughts and more about creating experiences of safety that allow new beliefs to emerge naturally.

The next time you use affirmations, pause and check in with your body.

Notice what it is saying.

Notice what it is willing to receive.

And remember that healing doesn't happen by ignoring the body. It happens when the mind and body begin working together.

If you'd like to learn more about a bottom-up approach to healing after betrayal trauma, explore our article on Somatic Work, check out the Reclaiming Safety Course, or learn more about working with me through 1:1 coaching.